Published: Thursday, 31st January, 2008 12:30pm

Planet Terror

by Narin Bahar

Comments (0) | Print | Email

DVD Review

Planet Terror. Picture copyright Dimension Films.

It feels a bit Emperor's New Clothes to admit this, but I'm not a huge fan of Tarantino, Rodriguez et al. They all seem a bit too smug about their cinematic geekiness – if you don't get the auteurs' vision from the film then it's your fault not theirs apparently.

The Grindhouse films are a great case in point, as I found when I finally caught the first part – Planet Terror this weekend. Goodness knows how American audiences were meant to sit through a double bill of this with Deathproof at the cinema without a big cushion and possibly some pile cream.

After an experimental bio-weapon is released, turning thousands into zombie-like creatures, it's up to a rag-tag group of survivors to stop the infected and those behind its release. The cast is great – boasting Rose McGowan, Bruce Willis, Jeff Fahey and Michael Biehn for starters – and to start with the in jokes about the double bill, complete with artificially aged and scratched film, soundtrack dropping in and out, make for an interesting film. But the joke wears thin fast.

Amongst the various individuals fighting the brain-eating mutants are barbecue chef J.T. (played by B movie veteran Fahey), who's spent 25 years trying to perfect his BBQ sauce, and is involved in a feud with his landlord - who also happens to be both his brother and the local sheriff (and is portrayed by the film's other B movie legend, Biehn). There's also Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan), who's just quit her job as a stripper and is hoping to forge a new career as a stand-up comedian. Plus she's just crossed paths with an ex-lover - brooding leather-jacketed loner El Wray (Freddy Rodriguez). And let's not forget Dr. Dakota Block (Marley Shelton), secretly leaving her abusive husband and running away with her lesbian girlfriend (who's played by Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas). Star spotters are happy.

But the juvenile level of grimness which permeates the whole shenanigans – including an attempted rape where the would-be attacker's intentions are thwarted by the fact that his wedding tackle is melting and falling off – left me cold. And as for the 'lost reel' an apparent excuse to avoid having to come up with some plot explaining how all our diverse protagonists ended up in one place for their last stand – it smacked of bad writing to me.

Two stars. Although undoubtedly it thinks it deserves five!